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Why You Shouldn’t Duty Date

Duty dating might sound like a good idea at first glance, but is it really?

Wendy Miller
11 min readApr 4, 2020

When you first think of duty dating, you might think of going on a date because your mother insists. Or you might think of dating just to get your friends to stop telling you to start dating.

But it’s actually something else entirely.

Dr. Pat Allen invented duty dating. The concept itself is pretty simple: you go on a date with anyone who asks, whether you’re attracted to them or not; you date at least three people at once; and you go on at least three dates with each person.

There is a little more to it than that. Dr. Allen says that you shouldn’t agree to a date with someone who is repulsive, immoral, unethical, or illegal. She also says you shouldn’t have sex with your date(s) until you have a commitment from someone.

At first glance, it sounds like it might not be a bad idea. It gets you out there, exposes you to people you might not choose to date otherwise, and keeps you from making hasty judgment calls that might eliminate someone great from your dating pool.

But there are several flaws with this concept. Here’s why I think duty dating is a bad idea.

It’s more about women than men

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Wendy Miller
Wendy Miller

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