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What to Expect When You Break Up With a Narcissist
Breakups are never easy, but when the other person is a narcissist, it can be a lot more complicated and painful.
I’ve been through my share of breakups, including a divorce involving children, and the hardest one was when I broke up with a narcissist. Narcissists don’t want to lose their “supply” and that makes breakups ugly.
For me, it felt like a nightmare. I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone how I felt about him or our relationship. I was miserable. Looking back, I realize there was even a part of me that was scared of him. I couldn’t have consciously told you I was scared or why, but it was there.
When I finally freed myself of him and the relationship, my entire life changed for the better. But it wasn’t an instant thing, and there were a lot of bumps along the way.
There were some things that I expected when I broke up with him, but there were a lot of things that I didn’t.
It might not stick the first time
I was with my narcissist for about two years. The first time I tried to break up with him? About two weeks after we became exclusive (roughly two months after our first date). Thus started the cycle of me trying to break up with him, him promising things would get better, and me deciding to give him a chance to prove that.
A cycle that continued for two years. In fairness, I wasn’t trying to break up with him every day, or even every month. And there would be long periods where I didn’t want to break up with him at all. We’d get into a phase where we seemed to be doing well and moving forward, like when he asked me to move in with him. Soon after, though, things would backslide and I’d want out again.
Narcissists are masters of gaslighting and manipulating you into doing what they want. What they want is for you to stay so they can use you until you run dry. So when you try to break up with them, they’ll know just what to say or do to convince you not to go.
If you find that it takes more than one try for you to successfully end your relationship with a narcissist, don’t beat yourself up over it.
