What Happens When You Date a Friend?

Does dating a friend ruin the friendship?

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Image Source: Mabel Amber from Pixabay

Just because it didn’t work with one friend doesn’t mean it never works

Sometimes we hesitate because we’ve dated a friend before, it didn’t work out, and the friendship was ruined. We assume from that experience that this is how it’s doomed to be whenever friends try to date.

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Photo by Thom Holmes on Unsplash

It can be awkward at first (really awkward)

Transitioning from being just friends to being in a romantic relationship can be really awkward, at least in the beginning. In many ways, things really aren’t that different and yet, everything is different.

You need to be clear on the potential outcomes

Dating a friend has about four ways it can turn out:

You need to be extra clear in communication

The foundation of friendship can lull you into thinking that your friend should know exactly what you want from them when you’re dating — but that’s not necessarily the case. They know you as a friend and vice versa. You can’t make any assumptions about what either of you want in a relationship.

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Photo by Suzana Sousa on Unsplash

Clicking as friends doesn’t mean you click as a couple

As I learned from the two friends I once dated, sometimes you can be absolutely outstanding as friends but absolutely suck as a couple. The simple fact is what makes you click as friends isn’t always the same stuff that makes you click with someone romantically. If that were true, we’d all be in love with all our friends all the time.

It can go wrong and that will change your friendship

There are friends who date, mutually realize that it’s not working, break up and return to being friends with only some mild awkwardness and discomfort or none at all. And then there are friends who date with disastrous results and end up with a friendship that is completely destroyed or at least changed significantly.

Be brutally honest about how things are going (including ending things)

When you’re dating a friend, it’s easy to try to persuade yourself that things are good. That if you just give it enough time, the problems you see will resolve themselves. That you need to be patient, or loving, or your expectations are too high, or… there are tons of excuses you can make.

Consider their past relationships

Before you take the leap to try to date a friend, think about their past relationships. Have you seen them in a relationship before? How did it go? How did it end? How did they treat their partner?


Written by

Single Mom Coach | Meditation Teacher | Relationship Writer | www.wendy-miller.com | Newsletter: http://wendy-miller.com/subscribe

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