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Ending the Not-Quite Relationship
You’re not really in a relationship but the lines are blurred, so how do you end things?
There are stages to dating and relationships. First dates are fun and exciting with a low level of commitment. A few dates in and there’s an unspoken promise of interest. A few more dates and you might start talking about where things can go. And after a certain point, you both agree that this is a relationship — and an exclusive one.
And once we’ve agreed it’s a relationship, the rules for ending it are pretty clear. We’re supposed to be gentle and kind, honest and clear, and we’re supposed to do it face-to-face unless we’re afraid of our partner.
But what about before the relationship becomes a relationship? What if we’re somewhere in that space between first date and talking about the future? What if we’re friends who have hooked up?
If we can’t define what this is, how can we end it? How can we tell someone this is over if we don’t even know what this is?
I have four ways you can end a non-relationship based on what’s been happening.
Ghosting
Ghosting is generally seen as a negative thing. And if it’s done when a relationship has been established as one, or when we’ve reached the point where interest is obvious, it is negative. But ghosting does have a time and place.
If you’ve only gone on one or two dates, and don’t run in the same circles, ghosting someone you’ve decided you no longer want to see is appropriate. If there’ve only been a couple of dates and you already know you’re not interested, you don’t owe the person an explanation.
After just a couple of dates, there are no promises made, no expectations about what comes next. If the other person has developed expectations or fantasies around what’s coming, that’s their fault unless you’ve done something to lead them on.
If you’ve decided after a date or two, maybe even three, that you’re not interested in seeing them again, simply remove their contact information from your phone, delete any texts, and let it go.
Most of the time, you might get one or two texts or calls from this person and then they’ll…
