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Blended Families: How Do You Come to Terms With Not Being an Equal Parent?

Whether you have kids of your own or not, the role of stepparent can come with some frustrating baggage.

Wendy Miller
8 min readJun 23, 2020

I recently listened to a woman, Anna* who wanted to know how she could come to terms with not being an equal parent. She went on to say that she felt like her stepchildren’s bio mom had more say because she could keep the kids away from their father and she felt it wasn’t fair.

Anna has children of her own but the dynamic between her and her ex is very different than the one between her current husband and his ex. Anna and her ex have relatively equal custody and they get along very well so they’re often able to talk things through and easily come to agreements on what’s best for their children.

Anna’s husband, however, doesn’t get along as well with his ex. His ex has custody while he only sees the kids on weekends and a few weeks of school vacations scattered through the year. He often gets the kids late or takes them back to their mom early because she demands it. He gives in to many of her demands in his own home because he says, “It’s just easier.”

For Anna, this is frustrating. She frequently hears, “Their mom won’t like that,” when she suggests activities for the…

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Wendy Miller
Wendy Miller

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