10 Things to Learn Before You Move In With a New Partner

When you’ve been divorced before, it’s important to make sure you’ve learned some things before moving in with a new partner.

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Learn to resolve conflict in a healthy way

For many, one of the things that leads up to divorce is conflict. Much of that conflict doesn’t get resolved in a healthy way — it’s handled with screaming, arguing, tears, and anger. And sometimes it never gets resolved at all.

Work out how you’ll share expenses

Money is often a source of conflict in relationships. So when you’re ready to move in together, it’s important to get ahead of it. Sit down and discuss how you’ll share the expenses.

Talk about the past

Your previous marriage and theirs, if they have one (or more). Past roommates. A childhood growing up with parents and maybe siblings. All of these things have contributed, to varying degrees, to how you each live your lives and run your homes today. And while it’s tempting to try to ignore some or all of it because it’s a little (or a lot) unpleasant, it’s important to talk about all of it.

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Remember it isn’t all about you

If you’ve been living alone with just your kids for many years, you’ve probably settled into some routines and habits that are suited to single folks. In other words, routines and habits that might not be appreciated by your new roommate. And they probably have a few too that you won’t appreciate.

Be clear but flexible in your expectations

You told your partner the clothes hamper is in the laundry room, so why on earth do they keep leaving their clothes on the bathroom floor? And why do they never clean up after themselves when they’ve cooked dinner?

Remember it takes time to settle in

But don’t get in too big a rush to be flexible with those expectations. Remember that it takes time to settle into a new home, a new relationship status, and new expectations. When you’ve been doing something one way for a long time, you’re not going to change how it’s done overnight.

Learn to accept annoying habits

There are some habits your partner is going to have that are going to annoy the crap out of you and will never change. And the same is true for you. The best thing for your relationship is to accept that. Accept that you will both have some annoying habits that aren’t going to go away and learn to live with them.

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Make sure the home is “ours”

The two of you might not be able to rent or buy a home that’s new to both of you. But even if you’re living in one or the other’s existing home, it’s important to make sure it’s our home, not my home or their home.

Make sure there’s plenty of “me” time and “we” time

Moving in with someone is basically saying “I like/love you so much I want to spend all my time with you.” And in the beginning, you might spend much of your time together because it’s new and exciting.

Keep a shared calendar

One big sticking point many newly living together couples find is trying to stay on top of each other’s schedules. Planning a big dinner only to have your partner not get home until three hours later leads to disappointment and even resentment. Forgetting they planned a girls’ or guys’ night out when you were hoping to do something fun together can lead to an argument that doesn’t need to happen.

Living together is a big leap post-divorce

When you’ve already gotten divorced or had a major breakup that required dividing the pots and pans, it’s a big leap to take the chance on living with someone again with or without being married. So it’s important to do the inner work, and do the work as a couple, to be sure you’re bringing your best selves to the relationship.

Single Mom Coach | Meditation Teacher | Relationship Writer | www.mindfulsinglemom.com | Newsletter: http://mindfulsinglemom.com/subscribe

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